RIP GRANDPA

I have to apologize in advanced. I feel like my posts reflect the roller coaster I am on right now in my life!
I have not been posting for a bit because on December 30th,my grandpa went to the hospital for chest pains. He suffered a massive heart attack which had actually started the day before doctors say. He is an extremely tough man and when the doctors opened him up to look at what was going on they were shocked. They found that 2/3rds of his heart tissue was already dead. It was dead because it had a lack of oxygen and blood. They put a pump in his heart because doctors have a certain code of ethics. Before he went into surgery he told the doctors that he did not want to be resuscitated if he died. This was hard for my grandma and my uncles and aunts to hear I am sure, but they can at least know that their father made that decision.
By the end of the surgery most of my 23 cousins and 9 aunts and uncles with their partners were at the hospital. We were all in town for our family Christmas. It is a tradition that my grandpa brought from his family in Pennsylvania. His parents had brought the tradition of celebrating the Epiphany with them from the old country and each year the day is different to accommodate the out of towners and this year we were celebrating on the 1st.
Anyway, my sister and I headed to the hospital once we found out what was going on. I had been holding it together pretty well. My father had sent me a text saying "dad had heart attack. on way to hospital" (he is new to texting) and for a moment I was worried. I was worried because I thought is this someone texting me from my dad's phone telling me he had a heart attack. Instead of freaking out I called my sister and she was balling. I started to freak out, but then she said that grandpa had a heart attack. I know this sounds bad, but I had a slight moment of relief. I told her to come home and that we would head over to the hospital. I didn't cry but I didn't know what to do, so I did the only thing I could do, eat. I had been about to eat a slice of pizza before this all started, so I decided to do just that. I felt like I should cry, but the tears weren't coming yet. When my sister got home and I saw her crying, I started crying. I got myself under control and we left for the hospital. As we walked the long hallways to the Heart and Lung Tower I was reminded of an episode of Grey's Anatomy. My sister and I turned the corner and BAM there was my family. They were all gathered in a waiting room, but since it was a waiting room a little out of the way we took up the entire room. As I started to get closer and I could see their faces I could see that they had been crying as I had.This made me cry even harder than I had before. Seeing my little cousins was rough.
As the whole family gathered and the family priest arrived the family got ready for the Catholic sacrament of the Sick. The nurses at the hospital were nice enough to let all 35 of us fit into the room my grandpa was in and stay there for the sacrament. They also managed to keep the room to just my grandpa so family could visit whenever. As the priest began to pray I held my grandfather's foot and did what I could. I was not really listening to the priest since I was not following the prayer. I wanted to do my own personal type of healing prayer. As I was doing my prayer in my head and sending all the love and positive energy I could I felt something. It was unlike any feeling I have ever had while praying. It felt like death was in the room. It was not a bad thing, rather a comforting feeling. It was warm and powerful and I felt secure. I didn't know what to think. We all got to say something to our grandpa and he recognized all of us. When I left the hospital I didn't think I would see him again.
But my grandpa being the trooper that he was held on till 2011. My sister and I went to visit him on the 2nd and he looked bad. He did not look like he had when he first arrived in the hospital. By this point they had taken him off most of the meds except pain killers. And while we were there the nurse came in and lowered the heart pump machine to put out a pump for every 3 of his. My grandma being the powerhouse she is made sure that was not keeping him alive, because that is what my grandpa wanted. She was so strong. I did not see her shed one tear till the funeral. The nurse said no the machine was only doing the pump because it prevented blood clots. They were married for 65 years and the love I saw he pour out for her husband at the hospital brought me to more tears. My grandma also is a reiki master and I believe that while she sat by his bed for all those days and hours she was not only thinking back on the 65 years but doing what she could with her universal positive energy.
I learned a little about my grandpa from my grandma during the 2 hours we spent there. As I left I knew that would be the last time I saw my grandpa alive. He died the next morning and I was happy to see his suffering come to an end. I wished his soul peace and rest and lit a candle in his honor.
The next few days were a blur. Then the viewing happened and then the funeral on last Friday. It was a beautiful service and during the whole experience the family has grown closer. My partner came out the day after my grandpa died. I am so happy he did because I was having a rough time.
My grandpa grew up in Western PA and Graduated from Ligonier High where he lettered in football and basketball. In the Wilpen area, he played baseball for a local semi-pro baseball team starting at age 14. He spent a year recovering from asthma and bronchitis after High School. On the advice of his doctor, he moved West to Arizona in search of a drier climate for health reasons. Upon arriving in Arizona in 1942, he went to work for Goodyear Aircraft as an Assistant Chief Inspector for the "flying squadron". Later while at Goodyear Aircraft, he was assigned to "Central Communications". He was later assigned to the conversion of B-24s into PB2Y3s for the War effort. This included the repair of B-25s damaged while making bombing runs over Tokyo, and other Japanese cities in 1942. While working in Phoenix at that time, he also played semi-pro baseball for the Phoenix Thunderbirds and the Glendale Grays. He built a reputation as a talented baseball player and was offered a scholarship to the University of Arizona to play football and baseball in 1945 and 1946, where he earned letters in each. Dad was very proud that he played on the ONLY untied, undefeated Wildcat football Team in school history in 1946. After his sophomore year he signed a Professional Baseball Contract with the Boston Braves Organization for whom he played for three years before a shoulder injury cut his career short. After baseball, he moved back to Phoenix to work for Schade Storage and Transfer. He later went to work for McKesson & Robbins in 1950 as a salesman, where he excelled. His McKesson Division was later sold to William Schubert, where he enjoyed further success. Glenmore Distilleries hired him as their Regional Representative. Three years later he began a series of entrepreneurial enterprises.
He lived a wonderfully long life and had many experiences. His legacy will continue for hundreds of years and he has helped me realize the value of family and life! My grandfather is buried right under a big pine tree and next to an olive tree. I am happy to know that while I am finishing my last semester of college in a pine forest and my grandfather has reminder that he is in my heart with the pine tree next to him.
While his casket was going into the ground I noticed that there was a black cat in the background. I know you can't see her in this picture but she looked magnificent. She had a huge fur coat and huge yellow eyes. I think that she was the guardian of the area. She keeps watch and as the priest said his words, I sent a silent message to her asking her to keep my grandfather safe. And to watch over him.



RIP GRANDPA!


Blessed be!!!!!!

Shamanism and the Horse

AFter watching this amazing documentary called, The Horse Boy, on netflix I had a lot on my mind. The documentary follows a family of three on a journey that forever changes their lives. The story is about Rowan, an 8 year old who has autism, and his parents journey to Mongolia to see if Shamanic rituals can help heal Rowan. His mother is a psychologist and teaches at a university and she has the most doubts about the journey. His father, Rupert, studies the Bushmen of Africa and is the reason the family is making the journey to Mongolia.
Rupert has a love for horses and one day when he took Rowan to the stable he noticed something peculiar. The animals didn't mind Rowan's behaviors. They had an amazing patience with him, it was as if they had an unspoken bond that his father could only observe from a far. Rowan's father Rupert stumbled upon something extraordinary. He noticed that his quarter-horse mare, Betsy, displayed submissive body language to the two year old boy whenever he wandered, babbling and spasmodic, into the horse pasture. Intrigued, Rupert put him up on the mare's back. Immediately the 'stimming' (self-stimulation) stopped, replaced by an unusual, even blissful calm. The next day Rupert took Rowan riding with him, holding him in front of him in the saddle. Not only did the shrieking and jerking cease, Rowan began to talk.

Rupert got to thinking about how the people he worked with viewed their shamans as healers that contact the spirits and use various chants and tools to heal their patients. He wondered if there were any shamans around the world that worked with horses? What he found would change his life forever. He discovered that the shamans of Mongolia honor and work with the horse and have for thousands of years.
With much convincing his wife agreed that they would make the journey to Mongolia. Much preparation goes into the adventure. Rupert had to find a guide that would take them from the city they land in to the forests of Siberia close to the Russian border where they will find the Reindeer people. The shaman of this tribe is rumored to be the most powerful shaman of the land. The hopes is that they will be able to get a meeting with the shaman for a healing.
After word got around that Rowan and his parents were coming to Mongolia to find shamans to try and heal Rowan many of the gathered outside of the city the day they all arrived. In total there were 9 shamans gathered. The shamans were from various places around the city and they were men and women. The wonderful thing about most shamanistic cultures is that womyn as well as men can be shamans and even in some cultures womyn were the only shamans. As Rowan and his parents arrived at the base of the sacred mountain outside of the city the shamans started to get ready. All of them have an assistant that helps them get into their outfits as they are very elaborate. The picture you see is of the last shaman of the Oroqen people. His name is Chuonnasuan and he died along with his tradition in 2000.
The Shamans who helped Rowan all had one thing in common, the drum. The beating of the drum allows the shaman to achieve an altered state of consciousness or to travel on a journey between the physical and spiritual worlds. You need to watch to see how Rowan reacts to the drums. But anyway, as the shamans worked, they would have messages and other instructions for the family to do as he or she worked. Interestingly all of the shamans believed that Rowan's mother had a woman in her lineage that had a mental disease and that is why Rowan has his illness. Also one of the shamans said that a negative spirit entered her womb as she was giving birth and she had to run and ritually cleanse her vagina. ( I hope me using that term is not offensive, I work with the vagina monologues and the term is second nature to me)
The family leaves those shamans and heads out on their journey. I will let you watch the movie to find out how that went!
After days of traveling the family finally finds the Reindeer people and the shaman agrees to see Rowan. The clip they have of the shaman performing his ceremony is not the best quality but it is powerful. The shaman tells them they have to leave after the ritual and the next day he tells them what he found. He says that Rowan will get better. He says the tantrums will stop the day of the ritual and that one day Rowan will be a shaman. For many socities with shamans they believe that Shamans have to get sick. They get very sick because they need to understand how their patients could feel. And also to make it through a great sickness means you are strong and are meant to be the shaman.
Over all the story is amazingly beautiful. I cried many times ( I am a cry baby) but it was worth every minute. I am happy to say that when I was posting this blog I researched the family and they have started a foundation to help children with Autism to learn to ride horses. Check it out. The Horse Boy Foundation



This movie has really sparked something in me. I have really become fascinated with Shamans. As I was doing my research I discovered that shamans used to be the healers of Hungary. In fact there were shamans there until about World War II.
My great grandfather on my father's mother's side is from Hungary. He was studying to be a rabbi and had to flee to America. I want to go talk to my grandmother to see if she has any stories from her father. I want to see if she can give me any hints to see if there are any links in my heritage to pagans. Not necessarily a "witch" but maybe there are stories or folklore that can deepen my path. I would love to have some personal stories to put in my book of shadows and work with in the future.
I found an awesome story of a Hungarian Shaman named Joska . His story is mostly what I want to ask my grandma to see if anything like this was around when my great grandfather wandered the streets of Hungary.

I have decided that I will make a post about Slavic Mythology! Hope you all look forward to it!

Blessings!